From Expert to Observer

A few weekends ago, on a cold, gray New England day, I drove down to Boston to attend Harvard Business School’s tech weekend. It was sponsored by the students’ tech club. Gorgeous facilities, keynotes, breakout sessions, interesting people with new ideas from brands you’d recognize. Every session worked to give value.

At the end of the day, networking in a ballroom as we balanced plates of carrots and hummus, there was one session we all agreed captured our attention. It wasn’t the robot dogs or even the VP from Amazon.

It was a small breakout session on wearables.

Yes, we were fascinated by the bleeding edge of these small devices that are in such close contact with our bodies, but something else remarkable happened in that room. A lesson for all of us about leading with our communication.

(And actually… it’s part of why we’re building something new, but more on that at the end.)

Three Cool Companies. Three Engaging Speakers.

The setup was typical of breakouts everywhere: one facilitator in a chair off to the side, three presenters sitting at a shared table, and concentric circles of seats for the audience, auditorium-style, around them.

I would bet solid money that everyone in the room had a phone within a foot of their body, and you could see smartwatches everywhere. We were already interested to hear what was next, and the speakers didn’t disappoint.

OZLO: Smart earbuds that personalize your preferences and timing of gentle sleep-inducing audio and noise blocking (read: partner’s snoring).

Neurable: A Brain Computer Interface to boost the function and value of your “allowing you to use the power of your brain to get more out of your everyday devices.”

IXANA: Using the electric field of your body to both power your devices and keep the data on those devices safe. “Privacy by Physics.” (I think. This one was the most out there. For all of us.)

Each founder knew their material cold. They answered the facilitator’s questions clearly, simply, with real-world use cases anyone could follow. The room was engaged, but the polite kind of engaged. Quietly listening.

And then one of the founders did something nobody expected.

One Unexpected Moment

The facilitator and the IXANA CTO were discussing this new edge of the tech world. How devices could be powered by the body. How data from our wearables is only accessible on the device when it is on the body, not available to Wi-Fi or other devices across a room.

These were ideas few of us had heard of, and a system we could barely imagine. The facilitator was struggling a little. Asked the same question in a few different ways. “Wait… What??”

Then, unprompted, out of turn, Adam Molinar from Neurable jumped in. He was your tousled-haired, maybe-haven’t-slept-enough, chat-for-a-second-but-really-got-to-go type of founder/engineer/entrepreneur.

He sat up tall, looked out at all of us, pointed to their conversation and said something to the effect of:

“I know, right? It’s hard to believe. This sounds like magic, or even impossible. But I’ve seen it and tried it. Yes, it feels like magic. It’s cutting-edge, but it totally works. Listen up, this stuff is so cool.”

The room froze.

Heads turned. People leaned in. And an audience that had been politely engaged thirty seconds earlier became genuinely present.

Why That Moment Worked

Adam didn’t add new information. He didn’t change the content. He didn’t improve his delivery.

He changed his role.

One moment, he was the expert on the other side of the room. We saw him as the person with the answers, the one being asked the questions.

The next moment, he was on our side. He was an observer too. Amazed. Curious. A little in awe. Just like the rest of us.

He shifted his role and sat alongside us. In doing so, he brought the whole room with him.

How You Can Create a Moment

Our minds are constantly organizing the information around us into a story.

Who’s here?
What’s happening?
Who is with me?
What will happen next?

We do this automatically. Unconsciously. Constantly.

By the time Adam spoke up, everyone had already organized the information in the room into a familiar narrative. Three experts at the front. Audience at the back. A clear boundary between the people who know and the people who are there to learn. We were heading toward the inevitable end of the story when everyone in the audience knew more than they did when they walked in.

And then Adam dissolved that boundary. He changed his character mid-scene. He stepped across the line that separated him from us and stood where we were standing.

Our brains had to update the story. And in that moment of updating, in that fraction of a second where the old pattern broke, and the new one hadn’t formed yet, we were completely present. We were surprised and took a new look around us.

At the end, we walked away at the end with more than just new knowledge. We were all part of something amazing and bigger than ourselves. We shared in the awe of this intersection of bodies and technology.

What This Means for the Rooms You’re In

When we cross the formal boundaries of expected roles and draw attention to the human experience we are all having in the moment, we shift from simple knowledge transfer to being part of a bigger movement.

And here’s what I’ve watched work, across hundreds of conversations with leaders navigating high-stakes communication.

Before you make your case, find the shared thing.

Maybe it’s the shared understanding of the real history of how you got to this place. Maybe it’s the shared emotional experience of the moment in the room. Maybe it’s the shared hope for where this work can go.

What are people worried about? What are people trying to protect? What do they want? What are they feeling right now?

This requires you to slow down before you go fast. To ask before you tell. To spend time in the other person’s seat before you invite them into yours.

Trust. Curiosity. A felt sense that we’re in this together.

You could say it’s a soft skill, but it works as the foundation of everything.

Spark Questions for Your Week

• In your most important upcoming conversation, do you know what the other person is actually worried about?
• Where might slowing down to find the shared view change the room?
• What would it look like to step out of expert mode and stand next to others instead?

If the Boston room brought something to mind (a moment you’ve been in, a conversation you keep putting off, a team that hasn’t quite found its footing yet), I’d love to hear about it. Just hit reply.

That’s the kind of exchange this newsletter exists for.

One more thing before I go. Actually, two.

The audiobook version of Speakership is Leadership is almost here!!!!

For your commute, your early morning walk, your equivalent to a long gray New England drive home. (No sleep-inducing OZLO frequencies required, though I can’t promise it won’t keep you thinking well past when you meant to stop.)

And the second thing is one that has been in the works for a long time.

We’re building and launching podcast!

We’re aiming to make this specifically for you: a high-knowledge professional who is facing real time change and challenge. Your words are your most important tool to get through chaos, connect with others, and make something new happen.

But before we hit record, I want to hear from you.

What are the communication challenges actually costing you right now? What have you tried that hasn’t quite worked? What do you wish someone would just address directly?

Your answers will shape what we build. It takes less than ten minutes, and I read every response.

Until next time.

— Margaret Watts Romney
Founder, The Speakership Lab